Who knew there was such a thing as a “Parenthood Clarity Expert”? Ann Davidman is one, and this week I’m sharing a helpful article she wrote for Vox with some action steps to try over the next several months:
“I Help People Decide If They Want To Have Kids. Here’s My Advice.”
While we already discussed here why we shouldn’t turn this decision into a goal or resolution for the New Year or to really put too much of a time constraint around it, I do think we can capitalize on our renewed sense of motivation in January to try different exercises to see what may or may not shift for us.
I think the distinction lies in Master Life Coach Christine Hassler’s mantra “High Involvement, Low Attachment”. She recommends that when we desire going after something, we should approach it with high involvement (meaning we’re taking lots of action toward it) but have low attachment to it (meaning we’re not attached to the outcome). Hard to do, yet highly effective.
For those who prefer to rest and hibernate during the winter and defer action items til spring, this still works for you! Step 1 is literally to do nothing… finally, a plan we can all get behind!
I’ve tried the process in the article myself and had some interesting realizations. Some of the techniques (trying a decision on for a period of time, journaling with prompts, etc) I’ve actually tried in the past with therapists or life coaches around other major life decisions, so they may be familiar if you frequent that space. I think the biggest takeaway for me here is the separation of desire and decision. We can desire it and still not choose it. We can maybe not really desire it, but decide we’re willing to choose it for certain reasons. In some ways that adds to the complication of it all, but in other ways, it gives us more freedom to feel what we feel and choose what we choose.
If you want more resources from Ann, she offers 3 month courses for Motherhood Clarity and Fatherhood Clarity as well as private sessions with her. She’s also written books on the subject which may be a great starting point if this article really resonates with you. Info on all can be found on her site.
Let me know in the comments if you’ve tried any of these strategies before and how it went for you… or if you’re trying it for the first time now, share any ah-ha moments with us!
Have a great weekend!
Valerie